I’m Single and Ready to Mingle! Or…Am I?
- Mar 27
- 4 min read
Dating today can feel wildly different than it did even a few years ago. What once often began through mutual friends, work, school, or shared community spaces now frequently starts with a swipe, a message, or a carefully curated profile. For many people, modern dating can feel exciting, but also confusing, exhausting, and emotionally overwhelming.
We are living in a time where connection is more available than ever, yet genuine emotional intimacy can sometimes feel harder to find. There are more options, more platforms, more ways to communicate, and more pressure to present ourselves in a certain way. For some, dating feels empowering. For others, it feels discouraging, performative, or even disheartening.
So how do we navigate this new world of dating without losing ourselves in it?
Here is a quick guide to navigating a new world of dating:
DTF, MFWB, situation ships, sexting only, ghosting, breadcrumbing, soft launch, hard launch, benching, orbiting, and finally the most interesting one…zombieing??
So not only are you ready to try to date again, but now you have to learn about a whole new world of terminology from 15 years ago. And with each of these terms come different expectations. No more picking up the phone or choosing a restaurant and just meeting up to get to know someone.
DTF: Apparently that does not refer to Downtown Fullerton anymore, but rather “down to f**k”
MFWB: monogamous friends with benefits.. So you’re friends…but also have sex. You’re there for each other, and also have sex only with each other. How is this even different than being in a relationship?
Situation-ships: so you’re in a relationship but you don’t call it a relationship. There is presumably less pressure to commitment.
Sexting only: apparently once talking to people from dating apps and things get a little spicy, you might start sexting. But then realize that the other person only cared for the sexting part, not doing any of the things in real life…or even meeting the other person in real life.
Ghosting: 15-20 years ago, just ignoring the other person and hoping they would go away. Apparently there’s a term for this now.
Breadcrumbing: texting and flirting but without the intention of ever meeting up. (aka: waste of time!)
Soft launch: showing clues on social media that you’re dating someone
Hard launch: the equivalent of what used to be called “being social media official”
Benching: Your back up option. Dating someone else but you have a “bench” of back ups (sports metaphor cute).
Orbiting: engaging in social media or dating app interactions (likes, views) but never directly engaging with the other person (read: pointless if you’re trying to actually date)
Zombieing: when a person who “ghosted” you reappears without any explanation and acts like it is totally normal that they’re back. (aka: red flag!)
Figuring out what you want from dating today
Phew. OK now you understand maybe half the new terminology in dating these days. What do you do with this?
Maybe before your divorce you were the “I will only have sex with someone once I’ve established an emotional connection with them,” but now you have kids and honestly you just need to get laid.
Or you were the one pre-marriage who could hook up with anyone anywhere, but now you just want someone to cuddle cus life is hard, and right now this is the kind of intimacy you crave.
Maybe you learn all these new terminologies and use them to communicate with dating partners today
Maybe you make up your own terminology and operationally define it- tell them exactly what you want and slap a name onto it! If “zombieing” is a thing, any term you come up with will sound reasonable.
Putting yourself out there and getting lost
So it’s been a year since your divorce, maybe it’s going great and you have found someone who helped you find your sparkle again and helped push you to find yourself again. Or maybe you’ve put yourself out there and been catfished, breadcrumbed, benched, and you really don’t know what is going on.
Is it me?
Is it the world of dating gone out of control?
Are you finding yourself withdrawing, maybe even scared of dating again?
Are you starting to date again at the same time that your high school child is dating, and they know more than you do about the dating world these days??
Wait is that your college child’s friend on the dating app who just matched with you? Could things get more awkward?
Are you just CAF (confused as f**k) now?
Questions to ask yourself:
Are you using dating to numb the pain from your divorce?
Do you lose your identity in a relationship?
When someone asks you, who ARE you…what do YOU enjoy…what do you WANT…can you answer those questions?
If you can’t answer these questions, it’s time to take a pause and rebuild or reidentify with your identity. Maybe that means going back to who you were before before the divorce. Maybe that means reinventing yourself, and really taking the time and putting in the effort to do YOU so that you can find what you’re truly looking for in your next chapter.
The chapter that comes next: Rediscovery ( https://www.onemindsetgo.com/post/divorce-is-final-now-what)
As outlined in our “Divorce is final. Now What?” blog:
Eventually slowly you start wanting things again.
Not just relief.
Actual desire.
This is where people begin to:
try hobbies they lost
travel, even small local trips
adjust their style, home, routines
take risks at work or build something new
reconnect with parts of themselves that felt buried
Rediscovery isn’t a glow-up.
It’s a return.
It’s remembering you are still in there.
Final Thoughts:
Divorce is hard. Even when it’s mutual, it is a new world you are navigating. Dating after divorce can feel like getting lost in a maze. When you are ready, when you have learned how to be true to yourself, you will gain more confidence and clarity when it comes to dating. You’re not alone in this journey.
At One Mindset Go Counseling let us help guide you back to getting back to you. Let us help you navigate this maze of dating in the 21st century. Without judgment we will help you self-reflect, learn, and grow. And when you’re ready, support you in your next steps.
If this resonated with you, book your first appointment today.
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