“Pre-Adulting: The Missing Stage Between Teen and Adult Life”

We talk a lot about childhood. We talk a lot about adulthood.

but we rarely talk about the messy, confusing in-between.

I call this stage pre-adulting roughly ages 16–25 when you’re expected to act like an adult, make big decisions, and “have a plan,” even though your brain, identity, and life are still very much under construction.

At One Mindset Go Counseling, we work closely with teens and young adults in this in-between space, as well as the parents trying to support them. Pre-adulting isn’t “teen drama” or laziness. It’s a real developmental phase with real pressure.

This is for you if:

• You’re 16–25 and feel overwhelmed, stuck, or behind

• You’re a parent who thinks, “I don’t know how to help my kid anymore”

• You’re caught between wanting independence and still needing support

What Is Pre-Adulting?

Pre-adulting is the transition between late teens and fully independent adulthood. It can include:

• Finishing high school or college

• Starting work, trade school, or trying different paths

• Moving out, moving back home, or doing both more than once

• Learning how to manage money, time, relationships, and mental health

On paper, it sounds exciting: freedom, choices, possibilities.

In reality, it often feels like:

“I’m supposed to know what I’m doing… but I really don’t.”

You might be:

• Old enough to drive, vote, work, and sign contracts

• Still dependent on your parents for housing, money, or emotional support

• Unsure how to answer the question, “So, what’s your plan?”

That push–pull wanting independence but still needing help is the heart of pre-adulting.

Why Pre-Adulting Feels So Heavy Right Now

Pre-adulting has always existed, but today’s teens and young adults are carrying extra weight:

1. Social media comparison

You’re constantly seeing filtered snapshots of other people’s lives perfect bodies, perfect relationships, dream schools, “6-figure income at 22.” It’s hard not to feel behind or “less than.”

2. Pressure to have a perfect plan

Messages like “Don’t waste time,” “Pick the right major,” or “You only get one shot” create anxiety and panic. Many pre-adults feel like every decision is permanent and there’s no room to experiment or change.

3. Mental health strain

Anxiety, depression, ADHD, OCD, and burnout are more talked about now which is good but many young people still feel ashamed or scared to ask for help, especially if their family doesn’t “believe in therapy.”

4. Cultural and family expectations

For many immigrant and first-/second-generation families, there’s extra pressure:

• Make your parents’ sacrifices “worth it”

• Choose a “respectable” career

• Follow cultural values around family, gender roles, or marriage

You may feel like you’re living between two worlds your family’s expectations and your own dreams.

Signs a Pre-Adult Might Be Struggling

If you’re a parent, it’s hard to tell what’s “normal” and what’s a red flag. If you’re a pre-adult, you might minimize how bad things feel.

Some signs of struggle:

• School or work issues

  • Skipping classes or falling behind

  • Dropping grades

  • Quitting jobs frequently or avoiding applications

• Emotional changes

  • Irritability, snapping, or sudden outbursts

  • Tearfulness, hopelessness, or “numb” feelings

  • Saying things like “What’s the point?” or “I don’t care anymore.”

• Avoidance and shutdown

  • Ignoring emails, deadlines, texts, or calls

  • Staying up very late, sleeping all day

  • Avoiding conversations about the future

• Social shifts

  • Isolating and spending most of the time alone

  • Or being constantly busy/social but still unhappy or anxious

• Unhealthy coping

  • Overusing substances, vaping, or other risky behavior

  • Numbing out with endless scrolling, gaming, or food

  • Thoughts or actions around self-harm (always a sign to seek help immediately)

If your gut is saying, Something is off, it’s worth paying attention.

For Parents: How to Support Without Smothering

Pre-adulting is also a transition for parents. Your role is changing.

You might be wondering:

• “Do I push more or back off?”

• “Should I let them fail or step in and help?”

• “How do I stay close without feeling like I’m nagging?”

A few helpful shifts:

1. Move from manager to consultant

When they were younger, you were the manager you set rules, schedules, and appointments.

In pre-adulting, your role starts shifting toward consultant:

• You’re still there with wisdom, structure, and experience

• But they need more space to make decisions, try, fall, and try again

Instead of:

“Here’s what you need to do…”

Try:

“Do you want help thinking this through?” “What options do you see?” “Do you want suggestions or just someone to listen?”

2. Validate before problem-solving

Even if you don’t agree with their choices, start with empathy:

• “That sounds really overwhelming.”

• “I can see why this feels like a lot.”

• “It makes sense you’re upset. This is a big transition.”

Validation opens the door. Problem-solving can come after.

For Pre-Adults: You’re Not Behind, You’re in Transition

If you’re in this stage, you might secretly wonder:

• “Why can’t I just get it together?”

• “Why is everyone else moving forward and I’m stuck?”

• “What if I never figure it out?”

Here’s the truth:

You are not behind. You are not broken.

You are in a major life transition, with a lot of expectations and not enough guidance.

It is normal in this phase to:

• Change your major, college, or career path

• Move out, move back home, and try again

• Re-evaluate friendships and relationships

• Question your identity, values, and beliefs

  
  

You don’t have to have your whole life figured out. You just need support to figure out the next few steps.

How Therapy Can Help with Pre-Adulting

In therapy with teens and young adults, we might:

• Work through anxiety, depression, ADHD, OCD, or burnout

• Build realistic routines for school, work, sleep, and self-care

• Practice communication skills with parents, partners, professors, or employers

• Explore identity, goals, and values at a pace that feels safe

• Untangle guilt, shame, or fear about disappointing others

With parents, we might:

• Understand what’s “developmentally normal” vs. concerning

• Learn how to set boundaries that are loving, not harsh

• Navigate differences in parenting styles

• Create new ways of talking with your teen or young adult without escalating conflict

Ready to Get Support?

Whether you’re:

• A pre-adult trying to figure out your next steps, or

• A parent watching your child struggle and feeling helpless,

you don’t have to navigate this alone.

If you’d like to explore working together:

onemindsetgo.com and book an appointment.

Pre-adulting doesn’t come with a clear manual. Therapy can be the place where we start writing one together.